Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
