I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize