it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
