please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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