so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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