Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
