Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
