Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
