Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
