Plan B is the new Plan A
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize