When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
