i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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