When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
