I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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