Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
