Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize