she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
