look no pants
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
