I am spending my child support on dildos
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
