I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
