yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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