I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Houston, we have a blender
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
