i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
