I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
