After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He passed out mid-signature
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
