Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
