maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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