considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize