I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
