Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i love accidental penises.
This house was built for laser tag.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
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