okay pat passed out under dana's car
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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