i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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