Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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