Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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