Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
