Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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