Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
