I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
