my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
