Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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