Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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