onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
