I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize