you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Come see our sink grown plant.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize