Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
