I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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