Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She announced her abortion via fbk
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
