My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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