another moral hangover. fuck.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize