dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
