Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize