It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
