i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
