We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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