A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I love having hate sex.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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