You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
