i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
