what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
