just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
