After last night, I could never be a politician.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
