If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
