Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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