I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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