if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
