I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
