What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
