So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
