was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
